Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Mothers Day is coming up so in honor of my momma and my babies lets have a little fun! To my momma! Your more than a mom not even sure what the defintion of a mom is but pretty sure youve gone over and above that title! Your someone I consider one of my bestfriends, you listen and understand more than anyone else! I dont even have to say anything for you yo know im not ok. In the movies the other day I noticed us sitting exactly the same way, i just smiled and didn't mention it mostly because I see more and more of you in me daily! Grateful for each of these moments we share and the memories we make! I love you and thank god your my mom! Grace I'm so proud to be your mom! I have to say I can't believe im going to be a mom of a teenager in only a few short months. Your beautiful, smart, caring, funny so funny! Thankful for your sassiness and your silliness that I need most days! I'm in awe in many moments lately at your decisions and how grown up you are! Being a mom isn't a easy job. One day you will see why you think I'm the meanest cruelest woman around is only to protect you. Your my baby girl forever and always! Here's to being my mini me good luck it's a mess being me. Will this morning waking you up all I could see was your sweet baby face but then I was reminded how much you've grown over the last year! You are the most caring boy. You wanna help everyone ( don't know where you get that) you make me laugh and smile so much. Thankful for the snuggles and hugs you give when my heart needs just that! Your precious to so many and I'm so glad God choose me to be your momma. Your so handsome can't stand the thoughts of sharing my blonde blue eyed boy one day but I'm sure you will choose someone just like me;) your a great baseball player and possibly my favorite boy of all times! Keep being you! All my love

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Let's catch up friends! I'm not going to pretend I'm ALL better but I am some better and more good days than bad lately! It's amazing to look back over the last few months and see all we've been through but I can say I'm right where I need to be! That takes a lot especially today because today is a day with no plans or purpose! Its one of the days that makes me crazy! Enough on all that! Let's talk about the crazy life I live......we enjoyed our second cruise with our friends and it was a fantastic time full of laughter, relaxation, and NO phones( a much needed trip with my fav) Thankful for the friendship and love we share with our dear friends! Will turned 8 yes my baby boy is 8 how can it be? He is so loving, still cuddles, and snuggles me and I can honestly say he is a blessing in my life! My sweet Grace is excelling in school all A's and beta club induction this week PROUD doesn't even describe my heart for her! She blesses my heart more than she knows by loving on the unlovable kids in her classes thankful she has a caring heart! Proud of her boldness lately also concerning friendships and life of a typical teen girl! Blessed being their momma more than they will ever know! Counting down the days to summer break for this house! Excited and ready for my house to be loud, crazy, and full of kids! Easter was spent with family and it's good to be loved by so many and part of such great people! So you can see I'm blessed and thankful for where I am! Even if I don't understand and possibly never will life is crazy and I'm right where I'm intended to be!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Guest post never happened huh. I guess I was afraid of what they might say about me or us these last few months! It's defiantly been different. When your 12 year old says mom we can all tell your depressed or your 7 year old says your mean mom and that's defiantly what any mom wants to hear especially this one! So here's your guest post....the guest is me the woman who has overtaken my body, my words, my actions, and my smile! Some people can't see that this isn't me but those who truly know me and love me see through the smile! I can say I'm ok just like the best of them but deep down I'm not. I'm angry at loosing my job, bitter because I thought that was my purpose, jealous that everyone's still living and I sit here all day by myself feeling sorry for me, and outraged because nothing seems to make sense! This all might sound selfish because I've got a loving husband, 2 perfect children, and we are healthy and alive! Why would I selfishly allow this to happen to be eaten alive by darkness! Anyone who knows me knows i am fixer,I try and fix everyone around me but reality is I need to fix me! Don't really even know where to start on fixing me except on my face and this happens a lot! But of course somedays all I can say is why god why! What am I supposed to be learning from this? What is this supposed to teach me? It's unbelievable to think this is all really happening and as I serve in the youth group and speak life into so many people! Can they see this isn't me this isn't who I wanna be? Last week a dear friend came over and said look you need to stop sitting here feeling sorry for yourself get out and make a difference like you were made to do! It's easier to type this than to make it happen! This morning was one of my worst mornings why who knows nothings any different than any other day! Except this morning I started reciving text from people who know the real me and dont like the hurting me. Even a text as simple as love you made me stop and think I'm making a difference. A few of the text really stepped on my toes like no one knows about my life right now not even me because I've shut almost everyone out. Defiantly stuff that needed to be said just hard to hear. Then there were others that said put a smile on and walk proudly into that office and show them the teacher that everyone admires for not letting your values change you because everyone said it should! Everyone needs you Jess time to put on your big girl panties and move on.I am beyond blessed with family and friends who will pull me through this who love me for me even in my darkest days. Praying that I start seeing the light and being the light again to those around me! I saw this quote and found it very fitting "I don't need you to fix me, I need you to love me while I fix myself"

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I am going to do guest post for the next few days. Its time to get my husband and kids involved in this crazy life we live. Cant wait to see what they have to share with everyone. Stay tuned......

Almost 2 months into this stay at home momma thing. I am getting used to and actually enjoy the quiet mornings alone. I am aware of me more than I have been in quiet sometime. I had lost the real me. Do you know what I am talking about. I had become everyone's everything but somehow lost ME. As I look back and realize this was all Gods plan to help me find the real me its amazing how his timing is perfect. But without such wonderful caring friends and family I wouldn't even be anywhere close to where I am today. They help me daily by lifting me up and keep it real with me. I am defiantly ready and in serious need of a job financially for our family but must say these days are precious and the Lord knew exactly what I needed. Even in my darkest days of sobbing in my closet floor I know he has never and will never leave me. Overwhelmed in his goodness and mercy that fall on me each and every day in this new journey.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Lets back up to November when my life took a major detour. Lets see actually back up to this past summer. We became a family of 5 most days that is. We opened our home to one of my students. She became part of our family. She was a blessing and a joy to have in our home. Unfortunately once I was told my job was for sure secure my anxiety about this decision was over the roof. She had until January at school with me and I was going to have to pretend she wasn't living with me or honestly that I didn't know her/love her like my own. Turns out I didn't have to do any of that because someone in the community didn't like my intentions and brought it to my principals attention and practically everyone in the county office also. Needless to say I was told to move her out and have no contact with her or if I did I could loss my job. Lets be honest is this possible tell a child whom your family considers family that she has to leave with nothing not even texting.....I did what I was told and felt horrible for the situation and craziness I lead my family and this child into. So weeks after I was being eaten alive literally with worry, anxiety, and honestly with being told what I can do in my own home. September, October, and November all came we did see our other daughter she continued to come to church where she had became involved over the summer. School wasn't the same I couldn't figure it out until many quiet mornings in my house alone after November 21.I was told not to care, not to be known as the school momma, and absolutely no outside communication with my students. I did exactly that, didn't like it one bit. Until eventually the house she had moved to didn't work out and she came back to live with us. I felt like I was breaking every law and living in chaos. I was trying to be the person I knew I was supposed to be but pretending to be someone else. School wasn't the same the kids even announced several times Mrs Caudle your different I of course couldn't let them know I was told to be different. I would just smile and do my thing as quietly as I possibly could. Eventually I did something I swore I wouldn't ever do again.....yes you got it "adopted" another boy at school. He made me become MRS CAUDLE with a purpose again the Mrs Caudle the kids were used to the smile, hugger, love them all crazy lady I had been in the previous years. Lets just say he could see something different in me. One day he asked where I went to church and I of course told him and invited him. With a big smile he said me and my girlfriend are going to come Sunday. They did indeed come that Sunday and I was so thankful for him being able to see Jesus in me. The following Thursday I was called in the office once again being questioned as to my intentions and if he had indeed been with me to church. Also I reminded NO outside communication from the previous conversation. As I was told I was no longer an employee of Davidson County Schools the past 3 1/2 years flashed before my eyes... the countless smiles, the kids lives that had touched me way more than I could've ever imagined, the lessons I learned, the children who I was proud to call mine, the kids who wouldn't have walked across the stage at graduation without me calling and texting, the friendships, the tears and prayers I prayed over so many of these kids. As I gathered my things and walked out the door November 21 I walked out a changed woman, the naive lady who walked in Extended Day walked out braver, stronger, proud, exhausted, educated, excited, blessed, crazy, thankful, and determined that I had indeed made a difference. Guess I can say you never know where this life will take you. But in my case the detours that can change who you are. Its been different and hard lots of days. Many people have asked me would I change anything I did? Absolutely would NOT change one thing I did. Thankful for losing my job for caring and loving people to much. Its been wonderful having a house full of my students and knowing Gods plan is far greater than mine. All my love to all my past and current kids. Mrs Caudle

Monday, November 18, 2013

A little more catching up!! August Schools back in and we are all back in the groove. Grace is at the middle school shew this momma is still not over that. Open House I remembered where everything was can you say memory lane. Will is in second grade this was a very rough year for me. First day went great except for Will being left at school and I will have to say this scared him a little. PawPaw Vernon took a turn for the worst and passed away with my sweet granny singing Amazing Grace in his hospital room. Oh did I mention a few short days before his passing we went to visit with him and he told me the sweetest news. He said I got saved can you say lots of precious tears and joy around that hospital bed. Funerals seem to be so unreal and happening so often that my children they seem numb to death almost like its supposed to be happening without a blink of an eye. August is come and gone back to schedules, alarm clocks, oh and this crazy life I live. September Back in the swing of things. School is going good for Miss Grace and Will seems to be struggling a little. Lots of fun on the weekends running kids here there and everywhere. Mom Court and I enjoyed a breakfast date just the 3 of us. I have to say its nice to talk, laugh, and enjoy the Boone ladies alone once in a while. Football games and cool nights fall here we come. October came and went in a hurry. Can not believe we have our sixth annual Halloween Bash. Every year I question my insanity for doing this. Will climbed in bed with me the morning of the halloween party with the sweetest smile and said today is our party right mom. Yes Will today is our party and once again I am reminded by his sweet smile and sweet short words why I do all I do. Being a momma is exhausting especially the momma of a teenage (well she thinks she is) daughter. I question so many times am I doing the right thing, am I to hard on her, am I making her as crazy as I am? Praying she is seeing the side of me that she needs to see and I am being the influence she will remember when she is raising her own teenage daughter. Heres to being a MOMMA!