Friday, August 15, 2014

This summer has taught me to slow down enjoy every second and savor every minute of this life and my children. My oldest is 13 how can that be. How can she be talking to boys, noticing every good and bad thing I do, follow in my footsteps even on days when my footsteps aren't needing to followed. My oldest creation who I carried, birthed, and have grown up with literally can't be turning into the most beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed girl I have ever seen. Ive witnessed her first tears over boys this summer, her enjoyment over the sunset and sky, the messiness of her room, her not wanting to stay overnight anywhere because she loves home so much, her teenage attitude that intensifies almost daily, her sweet cuddles with her daddy, I've seen her love and choke her brother all in the same breath, watched her make friends at the beach and church camp, saw her witness friends giving their lives to Jesus and the emotion she had just spew out in tears and hugs, and lastly shared her hugs that squeeze with just the amount of love I need at that moment. I've watched my little pig tailed start her journey into teenage life and with all that I've seen I couldn't be more proud of you Grace Riley Caudle. All my love, Mom My baby is 8 and starting 3rd grade in a week WHAT! Will is one of a kind. Last night he said mom why does every pretty girl date every ugly boy....ummm Will I have no idea but your never dating so we should be good. He hasn't stopped talking all summer ask his sister;) and he continues to make me laugh and smile more than anyone else on this earth. I'm so thankful for his sweet spirit and excitement in the small things. We have a hermit crab and a worm farm presently as our family pets and he is working on getting a gecko. He is my bug catcher, outside til dark, best snuggles that melt my heart, extremely handsome, crazy blonde haired, blue eyed, mommas boy. I'm grateful for his kind heart. He wants to help everyone. No idea where he gets that from. Will your flexibility to do whatever is needed at such a young age is going to take you far son. William Reid Caudle please keep your sweet caring spirit son you will go far! I love you with all my heart. Mom

35 I can't be 35...... Time sure does fly! I've always heard that and now I'm living it. This past year has proved to be a challenge in many ways. But as I look back I see how it has molded and made me into someone who I never could've become (still becoming) without all the pain, struggle, and uncertainty. But most importantly the past year has shown me I control my happiness not my circumstances, not the uncertainty, not my craziness but ME I control my happiness. Today is a new day a start of whatever you want it to be so with that being said GOOD Morning World. Wake up and make it great! Happy first day of the rest of your life........

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Mothers Day is coming up so in honor of my momma and my babies lets have a little fun! To my momma! Your more than a mom not even sure what the defintion of a mom is but pretty sure youve gone over and above that title! Your someone I consider one of my bestfriends, you listen and understand more than anyone else! I dont even have to say anything for you yo know im not ok. In the movies the other day I noticed us sitting exactly the same way, i just smiled and didn't mention it mostly because I see more and more of you in me daily! Grateful for each of these moments we share and the memories we make! I love you and thank god your my mom! Grace I'm so proud to be your mom! I have to say I can't believe im going to be a mom of a teenager in only a few short months. Your beautiful, smart, caring, funny so funny! Thankful for your sassiness and your silliness that I need most days! I'm in awe in many moments lately at your decisions and how grown up you are! Being a mom isn't a easy job. One day you will see why you think I'm the meanest cruelest woman around is only to protect you. Your my baby girl forever and always! Here's to being my mini me good luck it's a mess being me. Will this morning waking you up all I could see was your sweet baby face but then I was reminded how much you've grown over the last year! You are the most caring boy. You wanna help everyone ( don't know where you get that) you make me laugh and smile so much. Thankful for the snuggles and hugs you give when my heart needs just that! Your precious to so many and I'm so glad God choose me to be your momma. Your so handsome can't stand the thoughts of sharing my blonde blue eyed boy one day but I'm sure you will choose someone just like me;) your a great baseball player and possibly my favorite boy of all times! Keep being you! All my love

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Let's catch up friends! I'm not going to pretend I'm ALL better but I am some better and more good days than bad lately! It's amazing to look back over the last few months and see all we've been through but I can say I'm right where I need to be! That takes a lot especially today because today is a day with no plans or purpose! Its one of the days that makes me crazy! Enough on all that! Let's talk about the crazy life I live......we enjoyed our second cruise with our friends and it was a fantastic time full of laughter, relaxation, and NO phones( a much needed trip with my fav) Thankful for the friendship and love we share with our dear friends! Will turned 8 yes my baby boy is 8 how can it be? He is so loving, still cuddles, and snuggles me and I can honestly say he is a blessing in my life! My sweet Grace is excelling in school all A's and beta club induction this week PROUD doesn't even describe my heart for her! She blesses my heart more than she knows by loving on the unlovable kids in her classes thankful she has a caring heart! Proud of her boldness lately also concerning friendships and life of a typical teen girl! Blessed being their momma more than they will ever know! Counting down the days to summer break for this house! Excited and ready for my house to be loud, crazy, and full of kids! Easter was spent with family and it's good to be loved by so many and part of such great people! So you can see I'm blessed and thankful for where I am! Even if I don't understand and possibly never will life is crazy and I'm right where I'm intended to be!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Guest post never happened huh. I guess I was afraid of what they might say about me or us these last few months! It's defiantly been different. When your 12 year old says mom we can all tell your depressed or your 7 year old says your mean mom and that's defiantly what any mom wants to hear especially this one! So here's your guest post....the guest is me the woman who has overtaken my body, my words, my actions, and my smile! Some people can't see that this isn't me but those who truly know me and love me see through the smile! I can say I'm ok just like the best of them but deep down I'm not. I'm angry at loosing my job, bitter because I thought that was my purpose, jealous that everyone's still living and I sit here all day by myself feeling sorry for me, and outraged because nothing seems to make sense! This all might sound selfish because I've got a loving husband, 2 perfect children, and we are healthy and alive! Why would I selfishly allow this to happen to be eaten alive by darkness! Anyone who knows me knows i am fixer,I try and fix everyone around me but reality is I need to fix me! Don't really even know where to start on fixing me except on my face and this happens a lot! But of course somedays all I can say is why god why! What am I supposed to be learning from this? What is this supposed to teach me? It's unbelievable to think this is all really happening and as I serve in the youth group and speak life into so many people! Can they see this isn't me this isn't who I wanna be? Last week a dear friend came over and said look you need to stop sitting here feeling sorry for yourself get out and make a difference like you were made to do! It's easier to type this than to make it happen! This morning was one of my worst mornings why who knows nothings any different than any other day! Except this morning I started reciving text from people who know the real me and dont like the hurting me. Even a text as simple as love you made me stop and think I'm making a difference. A few of the text really stepped on my toes like no one knows about my life right now not even me because I've shut almost everyone out. Defiantly stuff that needed to be said just hard to hear. Then there were others that said put a smile on and walk proudly into that office and show them the teacher that everyone admires for not letting your values change you because everyone said it should! Everyone needs you Jess time to put on your big girl panties and move on.I am beyond blessed with family and friends who will pull me through this who love me for me even in my darkest days. Praying that I start seeing the light and being the light again to those around me! I saw this quote and found it very fitting "I don't need you to fix me, I need you to love me while I fix myself"

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I am going to do guest post for the next few days. Its time to get my husband and kids involved in this crazy life we live. Cant wait to see what they have to share with everyone. Stay tuned......

Almost 2 months into this stay at home momma thing. I am getting used to and actually enjoy the quiet mornings alone. I am aware of me more than I have been in quiet sometime. I had lost the real me. Do you know what I am talking about. I had become everyone's everything but somehow lost ME. As I look back and realize this was all Gods plan to help me find the real me its amazing how his timing is perfect. But without such wonderful caring friends and family I wouldn't even be anywhere close to where I am today. They help me daily by lifting me up and keep it real with me. I am defiantly ready and in serious need of a job financially for our family but must say these days are precious and the Lord knew exactly what I needed. Even in my darkest days of sobbing in my closet floor I know he has never and will never leave me. Overwhelmed in his goodness and mercy that fall on me each and every day in this new journey.